


I Think I Died This Time

by unknown_knowns



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Max POV, Mental Health Acceptance, Mental Health Issues, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Suffering, Trauma, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 18:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8337499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknown_knowns/pseuds/unknown_knowns
Summary: It’s thunder and lightning.Very very frightening.But Max is entangled.She won’t float away.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [Inspired by this idea from tumblr user snoopytimegalpal.](http://spoopytimegalpal.tumblr.com/post/152060663814/spoopytimegalpal-concept-max-caulfield-chloe%0A)
> 
>  
> 
> Please note that I took this idea more as inspiration than prompt, and have played up the trauma a bit more than I believe the concept was going for. I personally think it makes the ending work better.

Max’s world faded in from a peaceful, calm white.

Unfortunately, she regained consciousness in the last place she wanted to be.

She couldn’t shield herself from the rain.

No matter how hard she tried.

Max looked forward.

Out to the sea.

Out to the devastation awaiting her.

This was it.

The end of her world.

The storm was coming.

The storm that was going to wipe out the entire town of Arcadia.

The storm that she caused.

The storm she would ultimately be responsible for.

All of that destruction.

All of that death.

It was all her fault.

She was on the cliff, near the lighthouse, staring out into the abyss.

She’d never forget the feeling of this wind smacking against her.

She’d never forget how the rain actually _hurt_ from the way the wind was forcing it around.

She’d never forget hearing the light house groan in ways it really shouldn’t.

Max was crying when her mind caught up to where she was, and the implications of what it meant.

It was just so unfair.

She had tried so hard.

She had tried so many times to avoid the storm.

But she’d always end up in here again, or Chloe would end up dead somehow.

No matter what she did.

No matter how far she rewound.

No matter how many photos she jumped through.

She couldn’t just let this stupid fucking universe win.

But what could she do?

Max looked down to one of her hands, and turned it around to look at the palm.

She knew what she had to do.

She closed her palm into a fist.

She didn’t have any photos on her to jump through.

Her only chance to get out of this was to rewind.

And to keep rewinding long past the point she had a nose bleed.

Long past the point she couldn’t hear the storm.

Long past the point she was conscious.

She’d wake up some time later.

She’d have some kind of chance to do everything again.

To jump through more photos.

To keep fighting.

Max sighed deeply, and closed her eyes.

There was no peace and quiet for her here, but she needed a few moments.

She searched within herself for the resolve to keep pushing on.

It was horrifying to think of how she couldn’t remember where she just came from, or what her plans would be to try this all again.

But she knew what she was fighting for.

The innocents in Arcadia.

Chloe.

It was worth saving them, no matter what it did to herself in the process.

 

She raised her hand up ---

“Max …”

This was about the last thing she was expecting, right now.

Chloe’s voice.

It disarmed her from the plan she was about to undertake.

She turned her head back to confirm it really was Chloe, and allowed her arm to fall down to her side.

Then she carefully turned around.

“Max. It’s alright. We’re here for you. Everything is going to be okay.”

_What?_

Max blinked a few more times, then looked back to the storm.

Was Chloe in denial?

The tone of her voice didn’t match the situation at all.

Nor did the content of the words.

The storm was _right there._

She could hear it.

She could feel it.

Chloe took a few steps closer and placed both of her hands on Max’s shoulders.

“C’mon, Max. You know it’s bullshit. You kicked that storm’s ass …”

Max’s confusion grew.

She had a nagging thought in the back of her head, now.

_You’re insane._

Chloe was _not_ there a few moments ago, then she just turns up and starts acting inappropriately to their situation.

But Chloe didn’t give Max much time longer to process.

She moved closer still, and wrapped both of her arms around in an impossibly tight, compressing hug.

It was the kind of hug that left Max breathless during and afterwards.

Sometimes Chloe would even use the grip of the hug to lift Max up.

Thankfully, this wasn’t one such time.

“Just … wake up.”

_No no no no no._

Max started to cry, again.

She had to have been going insane.

She must have been dreaming this whole stupid thing.

She shoved her face into Chloe’s shoulder and just cried despondently.

A lot of the fight drained out of her.

She didn’t want to keep on fighting.

She didn’t want to keep on losing.

But she had these stupid fucking powers and she _needed_ Chloe to stay alive.

She couldn’t live with herself if the town was lost for her selfish needs.

It was an impossibly unfair decision that no one should have to make.

“Shhhh.”

Chloe’s dulcet hushing whispers and unyielding, suffocating grasp wasn’t letting Max focus on much else.

But that was okay.

Max didn’t want to see the storm, anyway.

She didn’t want to hurt from the rain.

She didn’t want to use all her might to force her way through the winds.

She didn’t want to think of the lives that were about to be lost.

She didn’t want to think of the guilt, the stress, or the sorrow.

She just wanted everything to be okay.

She just wanted everything to work out.

She just wanted Chloe, and Arcadia Bay.

Even if the storm was here, Max didn’t move from Chloe’s grasp.

She could die this time, content, if it happened while she was in her Chloe’s arms.

This was the most peace she’d felt in a long time.

 

“Max.”

Max didn’t know how much longer it was until she heard Chloe’s voice again.

But the world felt calmer, this time.

She could still hear wind and rain, but it felt more distant, somehow.

Max felt alarmingly warm all the sudden.

She blinked her eyes open and looked up.

Chloe was smiling gently down at her.

Her face was drowning in quiet sympathies.

Overwhelmed with the pain she saw on Max’s face, probably.

“You’re okay. Look. See? I’m alive. There’s no storm. Everything is okay.”

Chloe slowly unwrapped Max from her hug so she could move one of her hands and find one of Max’s.

She carefully trailed that hand up until it could feel the texture of Chloe’s cheek.

The warmth.

The realness.

Max wasn’t at the edge of the world.

She was in a bed, of some kind.

_Oh._

The realization came slowly to Max as she continued to feel Chloe’s cheek and take in her surroundings.

They were in their apartment, in Seattle.

This wasn’t the end of Max’s world.

The storm happened years ago.

So very long ago.

Max knew, eventually, that she did it, somehow.

She found the right combination of variables to make the gods happy.

Or at least, happy enough, so that Jefferson was dealt with, the storm didn’t happen, and Chloe was still alive.

Max calmed down.

She slumped against the bed with a weak sigh and carefully tugged her hand free from Chloe’s grip.

She wanted to run her fingers along the length of Chloe’s neck, instead.

She wanted to feel the gentle pulse of her blood through some veins on her neck.

Just as a reminder that she was real, and everything was okay.

“I’m okay.”

Max’s voice was dry and cracked and scratchy and miserable.

But she could believe it, for a few seconds.

That she really was okay, somehow, after all of this.

It was like a cruel joke, then, that she heard loud, close thunder, and flinched harshly.

Her entire body was compelled by the flinch.

Even after the sound was gone, her body was still rigid and unmoving, unfeeling.

Her eyes had clamped shut, tightly.

Chloe sighed.

“Hey-hey-hey. Dude that’s _not_ your storm. That’s just some rain. Some bullshit stuff. It’ll pass.”

“Mmmhhh ...”

Max wanted to believe it.

Her body still felt unnaturally tense and unfeeling, but she carefully turned herself around on the bed to look towards the source of the sound.

If she saw it, she could believe it, more easily.

On the far side of the room was a sliding glass door, ajar.

There were some curtains that were gently moving from the wind coming inside.

And Rachel, outside, on their patio, quietly smoking.

Like there wasn’t a care in the world.

Maybe there wasn’t.

Max could see it, now.

There was no super storm coming to destroy everything.

Just a lazy early afternoon day turned into a sicky gray one from the rain and thunder.

The realization of Rachel being alive came in waves to Max, and she felt more memories flooding into her conscious.

_Oh._

This universe had turned out even better than she was planning.

It wasn’t perfect, but.

She got to see Chloe and Rachel’s relationship.

She got to see Chloe so very happy and laughing and giggling and _content_ for once.

Rachel’s influence on Chloe’s life was stabilizing.

The Max in this universe still hadn’t been in contact with Chloe for years.

But Rachel didn’t allow Chloe to stew angrily about it.

Consequentially, Max’s reunion with Chloe was a lot less painful.

She still would never forget the way that Chloe crossed her arms and pouted miserably until Rachel shoved her closer to Max and glared expectantly at her until they made up.

It was like Chloe was a small child and ---

_Ow._

Max suddenly had a very intense throbbing pain in her head.

She couldn’t remember anything else.

She couldn’t _feel_.

There was just a fucking void where everything else should be.

It was fucking terrifying.

She groaned painfully and loudly, closed her eyes, and rubbed at her forehead.

She couldn’t live like this.

She needed to know who she was.

She hoped if she rubbed hard enough she’d jog something.

Anything.

Remembering _anything_ was better than this sudden nothingness.

“Take it easy.”

Chloe’s voice came gently to Max’s ears. It was thick with concern.

She must have noticed the way Max’s body went from being slightly at ease to impossibly tense, again.

Or heard her pained, desperate groan.

Max found it easier to breathe when Chloe wrapped an arm around and gently rubbed at her belly.

She just laid there, trying to recover herself, and enjoy Chloe’s warmth and affection.

Eventually, some of her memories started to come back, again.

They were all around her time at Blackwell.

And they were all confusing, conflicting.

She remembered dealing with Jefferson like twenty times.

She remembered Chloe dying even more.

She remembered finding Rachel’s grave.

That couldn’t have been right.

Her mind didn’t know how to square obviously incorrect memories with the reality the rest of her was experiencing.

And the feeling of disassociation from it was severely disquieting.

Max bit at her lip without realizing it.

“Another nightmare?”

Max didn’t recognize this voice at first. All the memories attached to it were still verboten territory.

But it’s not like there was a lot of potential suspects.

This voice had to have been Rachel’s.

She had probably heard Max’s pain and came to investigate.

“Yeah. Looks like a bad one, this time.”

Max heard Rachel sigh.

She then heard the sliding door close, some of the noise from outside die off, and some pressure being added to the bed.

Then another body pushed up close to Max’s front.

She was now being sandwiched, with two sets of arms crossing over her.

“Max,”

Rachel breathed in deeply,

“It’s been about four years since we moved out of Arcadia. We’re in Seattle now. Jefferson is dead. We know about your time travel powers and your past. You have memory problems, now.”

Rachel’s voice. Calm, warm, reassuring.

This was a practiced speech.

Max still couldn’t open her eyes from the ache, but she felt a hand playing gently with her hair.

“I wish you would have find your way here, sooner, Max. You can’t just use your powers like that.”

Max sniffled.

It was so unfair.

She remembered more, now.

Every time she photo-jumped, her experiences, her memories, who she was as a person, violently collided with the Max in the universe she displaced.

She remembered everything they did, but, vaguely.

All of the Maxes in all of the universes she had meddled in spoke at once whenever she tried to find a memory.

Sometimes the chorus was just too overwhelming, and she remembered nothing at all.

It was maddening.

She played with time too much.

She pushed her self too hard for this perfect universe.

She was genuinely broken, now.

Or maybe insane.

She knew she was crying, now.

She couldn’t stop it.

It was just so miserably unfair.

As if on cue,

“You’re not insane. We’re happy, here, together. We just have to be mindful of some things that can cause you slip away from us, like storms and needles.”

Max sniffled and was still crying, but nodded gently.

It really was impossibly relaxing to be sandwiched between two warm, caring bodies like this.

Rachel’s voice was just so practiced and so measured, Max found herself melting into her chest.

“It’s okay. You’re safe, here. Just relax and try to go back to sleep. We’re not going anywhere for the rest of the day.”

Max nodded again.

She did feel tired.

But her mind was still racing, and she started to squirm, since ---

Rachel repeated her ‘it’s okay’ line.

Both her and Chloe tightened their grasp.

Rachel moved so her face was closer to Max’s ear, and so her voice could come out even more gentle and kind.

Rachel continued to repeat her line, like a mantra. Until Max believed it, in earnest.

Max couldn’t resist all this warmth and affection for very long.

She continued to melt, and eventually, the tears stopped coming.

“Okay.”

Max kept her eyes closed.

She tried to put all the weird, disquieting thoughts about her mental state out of her head.

She was okay.

She was safe.

She could stop fighting.

And breathe easily.

Max listened to how Rachel was breathing, and carefully imitated it.

She liked feeling the gentle rhythm of her chest carefully rising and falling.

Max continued to melt from the warmth all around her.

But that was okay.

She was safe.

She could stop fighting.

She could breathe easily.

And sleep.

 

Max didn’t know how much later it was when she woke up, again.

It wasn’t as violent, this time.

Her dreams didn’t haunt her.

She was still sandwiched between Chloe and Rachel.

They were both asleep now, or seemed like it.

The rain outside had calmed down to something entirely gentle.

The sun was just about set.

That was okay.

Max liked the way the setting sun made everything in their room more yellow and gold.

She just laid there for a few moments, recomposing herself after her breakdown, earlier.

She had a better grasp on her memories, now.

She knew who she was, where she was, how she got here, what she did yesterday, and what all they had been planning on doing, today.

Her violently disquieting memories were all in her past.

But she wasn’t just her past, anymore.

Max sighed.

She gently lifted her head up to look at the sliding glass door, again.

Max wanted to see how she could still hear rain, yet see the obvious impact of a setting sun on their room.

She saw no clouds.

Just the sun and the horizon.

Max flopped her head back down and allowed herself to relax as much as she could.

It was weird to think about rain that came when there were no clouds.

Rain that came when the sun was still shining brightly and passionately.

If Max thought about it, it was like a metaphor for her own life.

Max was probably never going to forget some of the scars of her past.

She could still remember every second of the storm.

She could still remember every second of the Dark Room.

And every inch of Jefferson’s fucked-up grin.

 

But those pains were more distant, now.

She had a lot of other memories to work with, now.

And those recent ones were all deeply relaxing and calming.

They were more important to her, now.

Max carefully looked at the warm smile that Rachel fell asleep with.

She gently raised a hand up to move some errant strands away from her face.

Rachel looked so peaceful, so calm, even when she exerted all that effort to calm Max down.

A part of Max wanted to guilt trip her with the idea that she was a dead weight to these two.

Some kind of beast of burden that only made their days worse.

But she knew who she was, now.

And she knew how much bullshit that was, now.

This wasn’t how Max was, usually.

Her two relationships with her two girlfriends were balanced.

They all had their own issues, but nothing was unworkable.

None of them were perfect.

None of them _needed_ to be.

Even with bullshit time powers.

Max sighed again, more softly this time, and closed her eyes.

She tripped through memory lane, for a little while.

It helped to calm her down further, and remind her that everything really was okay.

She remembered her first kiss, with Chloe.

Her second kiss, with Rachel.

Taco Tuesday nights.

Graduating proudly from Blackwell.

Moving in together here in Seattle.

Max’s parents trying, and failing, to understand the idea of a poly relationship.

They meant well.

The way Chloe and Rachel synergized in how they would tease at Max.

One Chloe was bad enough.

But the thought had her smiling gently.

One Chloe was bad enough, but two were deeply endearing.

They knew how to get a rise out of Max, but they knew when to stop teasing.

And Max would always feel better afterwards, somehow.

Max was a professional photographer, now.

Chloe was a laborer.

Rachel was a model.

Chloe was the only one with steady employment.

Max was going to scream if she had to do another wedding gig.

Both Max and Rachel flirted with working as waitresses and other less-than-ideal professions.

But it was okay.

It was worth working for these quiet weekend moments.

It was worth some of the pains she had endured for the results of her suffering.

Nothing was perfect, really. Not even their relationships.

Chloe had some abandonment issues and relationship anxieties to work with.

Rachel had drug problems and unreasonable expectations of perfection out of herself.

Max dealt with some self-worth issues and persistent trauma from how much she had over-used her time powers.

 

But it was okay.

It was all okay.

This day wasn’t ruined just because it rained a little bit.

The sun still came out, and it still shined brightly.

No one’s life was perfect, here and now.

But it was all okay.

They still worked as each other’s suns and they were all working through the rain of their issues, together.

Their days weren’t going to be ruined just by a little rain here and there.

Their suns would still find a way to peek through the storm clouds.

Max sighed contently.

She was still smiling.

With all these thoughts in her head, and all her memories freshly reprocessed in her mind, she had no regrets.

She had sacrificed so much, but it was worth it.

She was breathing easily as she relaxed more and more deeply.

Then she went back to sleep.

And didn’t dream of any storms, this time.

Not with Rachel and Chloe’s arms around her, like this.

Not with her being so warm and safe.

Not with them together like this.

Not anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> This Max is based off of the one in ["Tangled up in plaid"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8270755/chapters/18948400), but it is set a few years past when Max would be most severely damaged from her time travel (so this story is much less angsty and dark than Tangled up). It's a good place to go next if this kind of Max interests you like it interests me.
> 
> If you're interested in the writing process at all, I saved my [early first draft](https://www.dropbox.com/s/p8qgnncpb4knra4/I%20think%20I%20died%20this%20time.txt?dl=1). Feel free to ask questions, or just see how I turn a rough idea into something more realized.
> 
> Also, wow, this ship is kind of dead. I wonder if it's the poly thing? Kind of sad, either way.
> 
> I do [have a tumblr](https://i-know-unkown-knowns.tumblr.com/) if you have your own, interesting ideas. I'd love to hear them. This is pretty much what I'm getting out of tumblr, so.
> 
> As always, I appreciate comments! I try to read/reply to each and every one. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
